Sunday, March 27, 2011

St. Patrick's Day

(Written and supposed to be published on 3/17, but due to trouble with my computer logging on to Google, this is being published today.  Just imagine it's still March 17th!) 

Happy Green, Shamrocks, Beer & Irish Day! It's St. Patrick's Day 2011 – and I've had such a fun happy day. Too much fun, almost – just in simple things and the general feeling of this day.


This morning, it was hard to wake up when the alarm went off at 6:30. This time change has not helped me to feel alert, that's for sure... in the evenings one feels fine, but come morning... yeah. Anyway, I proudly wore me (typo, but I think I'll keep it!) green sweater and scarf. I don't have a ounce of Irish in me (that I know of) but everybody seems to turn Irish in the New York area on this day. There was definitely a lot more green on the subways – noticeable even for 7:30-ish in the morning! I started my day at 8:30 – I even happen to have a green mat. Some of my classmates were wearing green leotards. Our teacher for our technique class after the warm up wished us a “Happy St. Patrick's Day”. We had a good class, but a bit of an emotional interlude. It was really funny, though interesting to say the least, at the time! While working on a exercise after several minutes, one of the girls felt rather discouraged and frustrated with feelings of her own inadequacy, and ended up in tears. Our teacher (a very special individual...) called her over and gave her a hug. While the situation was rather awkward and sad for us to watch, I didn't feel emotion... until I looked at another classmates' eyes which were quite wet. That quickly broke me down and mine overflowed. There wasn't any real reason for it – it was obviously from deep inside with a stronger, not-superficial meaning behind it, as half the class and even our pianist started crying! It becomes clear in these situations how much it all means to us – working to “get” something, to accomplish something, to succeed in what we are studying all day long! The girls who don't express emotions as much did not join in however – haha! “Oh, my lovelies!” the instructor said – and gathered us into a group – a little pow-wow mid class. She expressed that she has never worked with a class like ours that works so hard on everything and cares so much in a focused manner on the work presented – and she is very proud of us. The rest of the class was very good, but the emotions continued. There were quite a few of us all a bit on edge during the day, and later, in a mime class the teacher gave an exercise where two friends were parting and then coming back together – without words, just physical contact and projected feeling/emotion. One of the girls who is an amazing actress connected so well with the other that she was working with and climaxed in literally, full body sobs. Another girl as well ended in tears projecting feelings about a friend and peer she had lost recently. The more sensitive ones of us were affected – less than in the morning class though. I think it was a release for several of us – in the best possible way. And for me, it was the first actual “good” day that I've had this week – after a stressful, sad, and even shocking weekend...


And then we ended our day early at 2:30 (!) and I went to work study. So many people everywhere were wearing green! Even the majority of businessmen complied and work green dress shirts and ties. It was so nice to see and to be out and about in. People seemed to be more happy and relaxed too – no coincidence, as there are mental components to the color green – a lot like blue! The sun was shining, completely blue and absolutely lovely sky, and temperatures in the low 60's. A perfect lovely day – happy to be alive! So happy and content. If only it could always be this way. There are always the inescapable realities – look at Japan – but life does go on, right or wrong... and troubles are put aside for just a day...

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Spring Break

Hello, hello... 
I'm enjoying an early afternoon "off" (well, sort of... minus work study!).  I've had primarily a good week, not including Monday, however.  It can sometimes be very difficult to get back on track after a weekend off, and I felt like my body had been hijacked, literally.  It was no fun to feel like I couldn't do anything - out of control, discombobulated.  Note that dancers are extreme perfectionists and critique everything almost every second, and it's mostly about feeling - and "feeling bad" doesn't necessarily mean that it was bad.  It's hard to accept a "bad" or "down" day - every moment is precious to perfect one's technique - the way they move and accomplish steps and combinations.  But there are definitely some days when everything goes out the window and it is bad.  We're on a different level here - it's not okay just to do something to just to do it.  It's serious - we're all students striving to become professionals.  Most people wouldn't understand the pressure that comes with this mentality.  And some students don't even realize how they need to take it seriously and work - but they are very far and few between. 

But Tuesday was so much better!  What a difference a day makes...  It's phenomenal!  Tuesday is a light day, with only 5 classes - 3 in the morning, 2 in the afternoon.  For mime class in the afternoon we had mostly some very interesting French history stuff.  It was great to have a mental break and be transported mentally to another place.  It's good to break things up and think about different things other than "this muscle" and "that muscle" and "turnout" and lines, arms, feet, etc! 

Yesterday was good as well, but it was the luckiest thing EVER that the character class was canceled (last class of that afternoon) because I was so exhausted and tired and my feet were killing me...  I have a problem with the big toe of my right foot - most likely tendinitis that originated several years ago - not a dance injury.  It often feels worse when I am NOT dancing.  And the past few days - in the afternoon and when I'm in pointe shoes the entire joint has sometimes seized up and I haven't even been able to roll through my foot/shoe.  Not good!  But often the bad spells don't last long.  I am grateful to not have a more serious injury as many do, even if it is rather chronic.  Just a little annoying problem, hasn't kept me out of class or anything!  Absence of pain makes one forget that they ever suffered it - a funny thing. 

Today wasn't too bad at all, definitely worked very hard and made quite a bit of progress.  I see some things that make me really happy, and others that make me impatient to break down walls of stagnation or break the current plateau... And I've never wanted a week to be over so eagerly - but not in the way one might think.  I'm not eager for classes to be over and done with before I leave for the week of Spring break- in fact I am not in a hurry for this year to end and am scared with the speed in which it has already passed!  This second semester has flown by, but not without a tremendous amount of personal and class progression - good to see.  We're getting busy now on rehearsals for the spring show, exact date TBD.  But I'm ready for the week to be over with.  Hasn't exactly gone to my liking and has been a bit frustrating.  Really, it hasn't been that bad, but I wanted so much more out of it.  Ugg.  Anyway, I have a week of Spring break ahead of me after tomorrow (Happy Friday!) and Saturday (more work study!) and then home! 

It sure doesn't feel like Spring with the current temperatures and conditions - definitely a rainy Manhattan week plus snow/ice/sleet, and wind of the past few days... Before I know it, though, I'll be in short sleeves like last Friday - looking forward to it! 
That's really all for now - please comment and share your requests for what you would like to hear about in my next post! 
Till next time...
Bunhead

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

A day in the life of a ballet corps

http://media.thestar.topscms.com/images/fa/b2/cf6062c44767a295de07000da241.jpeg
Greta Hodgkinson, seen backstage, during a performance by the National Ballet of Canada.
NICKI THOMAS/TORONTO STAR

"...This is, after all, a dancer’s job. Most days it’s 9 to 5. Today it starts at noon, with a company ballet class.

Everyone is in the rehearsal studio, from the apprentices to ballet master Lindsay Fischer to Greta Hodgkinson, a principal dancer in her 20th season. They stretch, folding torsos over legs or laying flat against the floor, legs splayed in side splits.

Male dancers put on canvas ballet slippers, while their female counterparts sit on the floor, wrapping their toes in tape and second skin. They slip on their pointe shoes, walk over to a tray of crushed orange rosin and step in; the sticky powder is the key to greater traction.

The first notes of La Vie En Rose drift from the baby grand in the corner. Principal artistic coach Magdalena Popa leads them in barre exercises, from plié to grand battement, and walks the room, scanning technique.

Hodgkinson, in purple track pants over a dark leotard, moves with a controlled fluidity that makes her stand out, even in these most basic of exercises. Yesterday was the first and only dress rehearsal for tonight’s performance. It is opening night and she’s dancing the lead." 

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Blogging trouble...

So sorry about my lack of posts!  I've been here, and I've been eager... but I haven't been able to log in!  My laptop will not allow me to log on to Google, and I'm not sure why.  I don't know if it's an actual problem on the part of Google, or if it is my laptop.  I only hope it gets resolved soon! 

Anyway... today was a really lovely day.  Yesterday, a Monday, was a complete disaster and no fun.  I felt like someone had hijacked my body.  Scary!  Today was just so much better... 

Well, that's unfortunately all for a quick update - I don't have time - right now - for more.  I'm REALLY hoping that I can resolve this - otherwise the only thing left is to type and paste to a word document and then put it in from there on a different machine... (too many hoops to go through!)

Happy Spring! 

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

DanceQuote 16

Someone need not be perfect to be a great dancer – feeling a soul is more important than what the body can do.
-Marcia Haydée

Chain reaction

(January 2011...)


"I saw the nicest thing in the subway tonight..."

I wrote that last night as a draft of this post that you're reading now.  It was interesting how it all happened.  I entered the subway just as the train was pulling up.  Instead of entering the first car that presented itself like I could have, I chose to walk ahead 2 more cars after a blonde-haired woman.  I entered the train and sat down on a seat 4 seats over from the end of the row on the left side.  A man in dress pants and shirt with a windbreaker type jacket and tan workman-type snow boots was sitting one seat over from me, to my left.  On his left was a bag and red backpack on top of it, occupying a whole seat.  He sat with his legs apart, drinking a Dunkin' Doughnuts brand iced coffee with a straw - a rather large size that was more than half empty.  He was holding it more than drinking it, really - and it seemed to have more ice than coffee.

When I came over to sit down, I could feel his pleasant awareness of someone coming near his area - as all humans somehow react to another individual entering their space.  I know he gave out a smile, but I didn't make eye contact with him.  On public transportation you get a very good sense of feeling people - their emotions, feelings, and other very complex unspoken communication.  But you also get to understand that your eyes are not eyes to wander or make unnecessary eye contact out and about.  I more just felt his presence sitting there.  It hadn't even been a moment - probably less than 3 seconds upon entering the train car - when I became aware of excessive physical motion and movement by him.  On the next stop I moved nearly directly across from him in a new space created by the exit of someone at the past stop, just one seat over from the woman I had entered with, and continued to intently observe him.  It was funny how almost instantly I was aware that he most probably had Tourette syndrome, without too much of a thought process involvement.

I continued to ascertain his behavior and general aspects.  He was of average build, a bit thin - with very short cut gray hair, glasses, and light eyes.  He was wearing a wedding ring.  I couldn't help noticing his pleasant, calm demeanor despite constant and unfortunate characteristics of the disease - shifting, fidgeting, tics/movement.  Though his brain seemed to be active - if not buzzing - he was very aware of his surroundings in a unique way.  His person was open and pleasant.  He seemed to be content, and not perturbed by anything.   It seemed like he welcomed everyone who entered the car with an embracing glance.  It wasn't out of the ordinary - awkward or strange, but warm - which is not seen "out there" on public transportation  
A wave of sadness came over me when I realized how much of this man was out there for all to see with the syndrome he suffers from.  There was a complacency with him however - as if he was resigned to the whole thing and okay with it.  I noticed several strange glances from passengers, particularly men, at his "behavior", if it can be called that.  You can't be different... sometimes humans can be almost as bad as the way nature treats the runt of a litter.

My despondent thoughts were soon dispelled, however, by the entrance of a woman, well-dressed, with a rather large black suitcase she was pulling.  Attempting to go around the pole in the car to sit, she somehow bumped into him with the suitcase.  I can't remember as to whether he said something first or she did, but it was by was of mutual apology.  He made some remark towards his leg - perhaps hinting at lack of control - I didn't catch it completely.  She sat down next to me.  He made some other conversational remark, and she agreed and laughed.  I wasn't noticing the actual words that they were speaking, as I was more marveling the miraculous - the spontaneous and comfortable connection between these two people.

Another older woman entered and he shifted over a bit with an small inviting gesture indicating the availability of the seat.  She took it gratefully, thanking him.  At this point, we were pulling into my station.  There had been conversation between them, and even more remarkably, suddenly the woman next to me said something all of a sudden to the blonde-haired woman next to her, who had gotten on the train just before me.  Then, she introduced herself, extending her hand "I'm M___", and the other responded, "I'm ___".  The first, Ms. M__, remarked "I got to meet someone today!"  Suddenly they were chatting together - in conversation as if they were friends that had chanced to meet each other on the subway.  The man gathered up his bags and stood up, with the obvious intent to get off at the same stop I was getting off.  It had been such a simple social specimen of strangers connecting, but had blossomed, like a beautiful flower, into a chain reaction, unstoppable and continuing.  It was one of the most beautiful things I had ever witnessed - completely unexpected and unplanned.  "It" had happened on its own and without restraint.  His warmth toward others inevitably spilled over and spread like a virus.  It would not be stopped.

He filled the car with light, his personal content and happiness as we prepared to get off.  The woman who had been sitting next to him shifted over to the spot where his bags had been.  "It's the best spot", she explained, smiling.  And so we were all smiling as he walked off of train to the exit and I to the other, beaming.  The two women were chatting energetically in the train car behind us.  I reflected upon the whole thing as I walked away.  Rare is it that I am affected by such external events resulting in unsuppressed happiness.  It would be a flat and dry thing to say that this made my night - for it did so much more.  The fact that one person could spread so much light and joy by simple, everyday actions- interaction and a giving nature - and make me smile with a true joy behind it, like I hadn't smiled before - that was deeper than I could express.  His life as such, through actions simple though they may be, is a worthy and profound existence.

Here is a man who has to show all of himself to the world, out and about in New York City, on public transportation.  Probably almost no one ever realizes his physical condition, and the strange looks will come from everywhere without them understanding the reason.  But you can't just glance at the surface, you must go beyond that, deeper.  He's one of us - but he goes the extra mile, and he has hope in the cross he carries.  He wore a wedding ring - I know he has a wife, and blessed and lucky woman, at home who loves him - and I hope she cherishes him, for he is a rare gem in the examples of humankind.

God bless you, Sir.  I don't know your name, but will always remember with fond emotion what you gave to the subway car of the 1 train a little after 7PM yesterday.  I'm sorry that as a young woman I'm guarded and reserved as most New Yorkers on public transportation, shut down to interaction and the sharing of our coinciding moments in this great life, but I know my way of thought on that has been forever changed.  In the words of Ivy Baker, "Keep shining, my bright and shining star of a friend".

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Cookies and cupcakes

So it's been a long time since I have posted, I know!  And I have felt guilty at the lack of posting.  It's just that I've been quite busy lately.  Late last week I performed with my little home company - "Carnival of the Animals" - and it went very well!  I really love being at a theater - backstage, warming up with fellow performers, running through a show, and then the nerves as you do hair and makeup and finally go onstage for the real thing.  This performance reminded me that I really enjoy performing - the connection to the audience while being connected inside with oneself.  I actually didn't feel nervous, and really had too much fun.  I'm looking forward to the end of the year performance that we will be having within the next few months (date TBD/TBA). 

I was surprised to feel exhausted Sunday evening, as the performance hadn't felt like too terribly much to me.  (I have full days as it is!)  I would have loved to go to bed at a crazy early hour, but didn't.  I was in bed, however, before 10.  Then I got up at 5 the next morning for a 6:06 AM train to NYC!  Luckily going to bed early paid off and I wasn't crazily tired the next day.  I'm feeling it a bit now, though... 

Classes have been going well, of late.  I'm always pushing myself and so desperately crave perfection.  Things take time, and I'm really seeing improvement physically from even a few weeks ago, but I want so much more!  It's hard to stay patient...  I'm rather sore in weird places today too... one definitely gets a lot of general aches and pains, and it's interesting in the morning as one copes with the stiffness!  But things have been good - I just wish time didn't pass so quickly.  Hard to believe that it is already MARCH! 

I got a cupcake today as it is "Shrove Tuesday", otherwise known as "Mardi Gras", or "Fat Tuesday".  Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, and as my schedule has it working out well for me to get ashes in the morning, I will be doing so.  It will require an early wake up, but I do that anyway!  I'm looking forward to Lent and a time of mortification and self-sacrifice.  It's important to keep one's priorities and beliefs straight and everything else in check and under control.  It's disheartening to see so many people off the other way... 

Well, off to enjoy my cupcake before I sign off of those items for the next 40-ish days.  More to come soon...